Breaking the BRO-CODE

I keep catching myself forgetting to breathe.  Oops!  Breathe, breathe.

30 days left to equal 1,185 days in Peru.  Some days good, some days bad.  The first 730 days were pretty tranquil, those days spent in a rural village, taken care of by a lovely Peruvian family.  The next year -- the BIG MOVE to the BIG CITY, when in fact it has a small town gossip to it, and everyone runs in the same circles.  This is where the real culture clash comes in.  Funny I didn't experience it until I moved to civilization, something closer to what we would recognize as "home."  You know, hot showers, people who brush their teeth and know how to use their cell phones and the internet.  A larger dating population than choosing between a farmer and a donkey driver.  And so I arrived, and began to see the real machismo society I'd heard about, but never fully grasped its extent.
If anyone thinks they understand the "bro-code"... or thinks they have experienced it... you've got nothin' on Peru.  You can't crack that code between bros who cover up for their cheating and lying friends no matter if you're married, moved across the world to be with a guy, laid down ground rules about fidelity, nada.
In this culture, at least in this part of the country, it is customary and accepted to cheat on your girlfriend or wife.  And the boys lie for each other, cover up, play dumb.  And the girls are called gossips, then ostracized, and banned from certain establishments where the bros frequent, if they try to tell their female friends to keep their eyes open, that I've heard some rumors, watch out.

I simply do what I would want others to do for me, if I were the clueless girl who's man is cheating on her.  So when an acquaintance asked me if I believed her man was faithful to her, and I knew otherwise... I can not tell a lie.  I tried to dodge any real details, but saw the suffering and doubt etched on her face, and told her I'd tell her next month, when I was gone, and others involved wouldn't have repercussions.  I suppose it was enough to cast doubt on her already doubting mind, and she began an in-depth investigation to anyone and everyone, and enough stories coincided to give her the truth, and she left to her home country within 3 days.

And what becomes of the cheating man who loses yet another trusting girlfriend due to infidelity?  Well, apparently in this machismo culture, you shift the blame to a scapegoat, and let's call her a gossip to boot, and not allow her to enter the establishment where her boyfriend works, because of course this guy is her boyfriend's boss (which makes a real sticky situation), and the guy has somehow become the victim in all of this, instead of a lying cheater.  After all, in this culture, let's recall that men are expected to cheat.  Whereas it's a huge taboo to talk about other people's private lives.  I made the cultural faux pas, not the other way around.  And I've lost a lot of friends in the process, even jeopardizing my own relationship with my boyfriend.  He's a guy, so he's a part of the bro-code.  And he can't wrap his head around my actions.

So what do you do when you realize that an entire culture clashes against your personal beliefs and morals? Do you stand by and watch a woman suffer, and accept it's part of the land where you are visiting?  What if the woman is another outsider like yourself, and hasn't yet realized what are the cultural norms?  What if you are dating someone born and raised in the culture?  Do you accuse without reasonable evidence, and jump on every small red flag that could indicate infidelity?  Or do you convince yourself that you found the one, I mean the ONE man in this environment that doesn't adhere to those cultural norms?  How would that be possible?  I would consider that statistically improbable.  How could I be so lucky?  And are there other women out there, who would put themselves on the line for me if perhaps I weren't so lucky as I think I am?  Would anyone else out there be willing to break the powerful BRO-CODE, and stand up against an entire ingrained societal norm?

Caught in the Culture Clash

Not that I consider myself religious, nor self-righteous, nor radical...only slightly moral.
Not that anyone reads my blog, since nothing has warranted writing an entry since May.

But now I find myself caught in a Culture Clash. I spoke up when no one else would.  And now I'm the scapegoat for actions that people won't take responsibility for.  North versus South.  Machismo versus non-machismo.  I wouldn't even consider myself a feminist, just a woman who believes everyone is entitled to the truth.